I was on the fast lane overtaking two cars when my phone’s background light shone, by default I assumed it was my mum,she was the reason I put it on silent in the first place..but I looked..it was not my mum..it was her..
I scrambled for my phone and picked the call..’I had a great time’ she shot without any formalities of hello..
‘I’m glad you did’ I replied grinning from ear to ear.. ‘I love you’ she continued ‘I love you too‘ I replied as I ended the call still smiling
I was totally lost in the memories of the night, the honk of the oncoming car shocked me back to reality it’s blinking head light reminded me that I was on the wrong lane.
I swerved the car to the space the cars I was overtaking had created for me..and immediately matched my brake almost bringing the car to a halt..
Tires screeched and introduction to curses began…I didn’t stick around long enough to hear the main body though.
I zoomed off immediately I saw that the coast was clear.. I could see the angry mob jogging after me through the side mirror….there arms outstretched giving me different poses of Waka..
I normally would have put my middle finger up in the air to acknowledge their five but tonight all that didn’t really matter..I just pulled off one of the best valentine stunts ever and it got me down to third base with a promise of the real deal the next day..now that was all that mattered..
My phone was still in my hand when my sister’s message came in..
‘Ghen ghen gehn gehn….eshin shin carry pon-mo..
I smiled as I saw it..then again I imagined her dancing and singing it with her yoruba accent..now I burst into laughter..
I dropped the phone and again I concentrated on getting home as quickly as possible….
I reduced my speed drastically and honked responsibly as I reached the junction of my house……the gate flew open centimeters before I reached leaving me no time to reminisce before I entered into my humble abode..
The head light revealed all my family members lining up longitudinally in front of my crib as I eased in..My surname was not fuji but I’d definitely caused some serious commotion in the house that day….
I walked up to my parents and greeted them ‘ Corn-Planting‘ style..they didn’t even wait for the corn to germinate before they requested for their car key and my driver’s license..now I knew I’d really driven them crazy..
Dad; when is your curfew
Me: 7 o’clock
Mum; what is the time
Dad; Now does that portray responsibility
I knew better than to answer the question so I kept mute..
‘Answer your father jawe’ my mum screamed almost giving me a windeck..but as a correct G, I still didn’t budge..they were definitely not running their ‘Good Cop’ ‘Bad cop’ routine….this was ‘bad cop’ ‘worse cop’..
My dad answered the question himself and thus started the talk of naija.
I was the culprit so I didn’t really see the public lecture as funny….that was not the case with my sibling though..their laughter seemed to mark the end of every punchline my folks drew..
As usual my parents didn’t fail to bring back crimes committed in the years past..but as they did all that played in my head was the events that led me here..
My father kicked off ; with the time I shocked my neighbor’s dog to coma. but all I could see was the look on her face as I opened the curtain to reveal the ‘I LOVE YOU TINUOLA‘ burning on the hotel’s grass..I was never charged to animal court but with the amount of electricity that passed through her body that moment I knew I’d compensated dogkind for crimes I committed against animality..
My mum took the baton referring to the time I was accused of stealing my aunt’s wedding cake which I denied blatantly even though there was icing all over my face…. But all I could picture was how the icing formed around her smile as we paced around the room plastering ourselves with the excess cake.
Anger didn’t fail to register on my father’s face as he reminded me of the time I stole his carrot..the same way disappointment registered on her’s when her father’s phone call interrupted us just as she was about tasting my carrot..
For some reason her parents who were meant to be travelling changed their mind..the same way my dad changed his mind about dashing me his carrot years back…unlike her though I went undercover on my dad’s carrot..but I understood her plight.. her folks already knew me in 2D..she didn’t want them to see me in another dimension…
The lecture gradually came to an end with the promise that I wouldn’t be seeing any of the seized items in a long time..but again I thought..with the things tinu had promised to do to me the next day..I don’t even think I would be able to walk..talk more of use my driver’s license..
My siblings came running towards me each with their comments immediately my parents left the podium..but I couldn’t help but laugh when I noticed my younger sister dancing towards me with the same traditional steps I’d earlier imagined in the car..
‘Hope it was worth it’ My elder sister said..giving me her Martin Luther Queen look..
With the broadest smile I could gather I replied ‘You Have No Idea‘ 🙂
it’s your boy bee and u can follow the madness @goldenmoses
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