Have you ever imagined being Osama’s son????…O well I have..
It starts with me being born in one cave near Afghanistan..then it
continues with me moving from one cave to another within the countries;
iraq iran and afghanistan…during which as a kid I would be thought
everyday to say Allahu Akbar as fast as I can while pressing my only
toy which was a remote detonator simultaneously..
Then when I’m 15, my dad calls me to his room and shows me his porn
collection…he then promises that I will see 40 of those type of
girls in paradise, if I just board the next plane going to new york and
while shouting ‘Allahu-Akbar’,
I press the remote detonator he was going to give me…
And you’ll agree with me that to a 15 years old boy sex is equivalent
to life so I agree..
The next morning he straps a bomb to my chest and in few hours I’m
shouting Allahu Akbar while pressing the detonator.. and the next
second I’m blown to pieces along side plenty other americans..
And as promised by my father I get to paradise where I see very hawt
babes ….so hot, that even their skin has almost finished peeling off..few
seconds later I realize I’m in hell 😦 ……………….
Within seconds of waking up from the first day dream ,I fell into
another one…this time I was Obasanjo’s son…
Ok, It starts with me having a military president as my father..then after
some years one bad goon (Abacha) comes to jail him (cementing his hand
to the floor)…..
Then the bad goon eats apple and or sleeps with Jet lee’s wives and
when he (jet lee) gets wind of it..he comes to Nigeria to assassinate
him..thus automatically releasing my dad from prison…
Then 1999 comes and he’s president again, and like that the enjoyment
starts again..then one faithful day during his 8 years tenure I
realize that he has slept with Tiffany..and yes tiffany is my
And while I’m still trying to fathom how they managed to pull it off
(I mean with his pot belly and all)…I hear him talking to a reporter
in his thick yoruba accent…
OBJ; Err don’t mind my son oh… I was just chilling in the corner
wearing dolce and gabana when she just came to me and shouted ‘Axe
Err at first I was very scaring
Reporter; You mean scared sir
OBJ; No jare scaring
Reporter; Ok sir
OBJ; I mean how will you ask a 70 years old man like me to go and axe his mommy
Reporter; 75 sir
Reporter; You’re 75 years old sir
OBJ; Are you my mummy??
Reporter; No sir but it was in the news paper last week sir
OBJ; Oh..that is a lying johr
Reporter; #gbagaun it’s ‘lie’ sir
OBJ; Ode is that why we are here??
Reporter; I’m sorry sir
OBJ ; Oya lets agree on 72..that’s my last price
Reporter; Isorai sir
OBJ; Ok as I was saying going..how do you expect me to axe that old
woman..I mean its kobo kobo that will be coming out after the baba has
finished the rituals nah…Err and been an expert in blood money
affairs I have priced her head before before..the thing will not even
buy you 1500 credit..
Reporter; Noted sir
OBJ; She now continued that ‘awon eleyi wan bad gan’….Err it was
then I remembering that H factor boy..what are we call him again O..
OBJ; ehn ehn Witchkid..I remembering when he say that we should don’t
dull..it was then I understanding her..err so I gave it to her low
Reporter; Ok sir..but do you know why she was attracted to you sir..
Obj; Ha! You want to dull ni…she was feeling the boy nah…my lower
body is endowed O. abi you want to see??’..
Reporter; that won’t be necessary sir
OBJ; well that one is your lost sha
Reporter ; it was nice talking to you sir
OBJ; No I prefer rugged man..I like that head boiler something he use
to put on his ogo
‘Abi which one do you like’ he turned to me towards the walk way (my
real father this time)
Talk now..he said bringing me back to reality.. Which one do you like??
‘TM shirt or your school fees’
I’d asked him to give me 7k for a TM shirt and yeah it was his public
lecture that sent me on my double day-dream…
‘How will you ask me to give you #7000 for a shirt’.. He continued
Me; Daddy its TM Lewin
Dad; And then??..so if I sew a shirt now and put TM lawal will people
buy it for 7,000??
Me;Daddy this material is quality johr
‘Quality kohr..is it as fine as my ankara‘ he said as he turned around
showing me all the possible views of the native
I smiled as I watched him rotate back to me..I knew arguing with him
was not going to deliver the money so I stooped trying..
Me; Oya daddy don’t worry
Daddy; Ehn ehn!!! now we are talking..I will give you #1500 so you can go
and buy that type of your brother’s Tailor loran or ‘My name is
I smiled as I nodded in agreement..his stinginess wasn’t news
anymore…but again he would never sleep with my Tiffany, talk more of
putting me on a plane to blow up..
He had his flaws but I was not going to trade him for the bald man
any-time soon..and the same also goes for the bearded one…
It’s still your boy goldenmoses …stay tuned the madness continues..
For real time updates on new posts follow @alariwowriters