So last week we started the “Duet Special” with @goldenmoses click here to view his post…because today’s post is the duet to it…from our Guest Writer @Toyourseeojo *Oya boys tear your shirts for her and girls be super jealous for she is super hawt* lool actually this is her first time of posting her writeups public or maybe also of writing sha, so be easy on her 🙂 thnks…bet i’m sure you would all love it,cos i did 🙂 Pls read @Goldenmoses’s Post 1st to enjoy it better …just follow this link—> The Letter I never sent )
I’ve had my share of crushes n admirers in my 19 years on earth…that guy you see and he just takes your breath away,probably because he is fine or he dresses well or his smile leaves you paralysed and a thousand butterflies start fluttering around in your stomach,and you lay awake at night on your bed fantasizing about him,imagining how it’ll be like if you guys hit it off…some last for a few days,some weeks,some for months sef but eventually it goes away…that’s why it’s called a crush right?’Because nothing really ever comes out of it…but this was different…I could tell right away…this wasn’t one of those crushes…and that sucked for me ‘because I knew he was the wrongest person to get hooked on…
it wasn’t love at first sight or second sight for that matter. In fact,I didn’t like him at first …he had come with my brother to my hall and then I’d ended up calling for him the babe he was tracking and I didn’t get as much as hello from him…the guts!…well,if he wasn’t with my brother and I absolutely had to greet him then he wasn’t getting as much as a second glance,let alone a greeting..that was final…
I’d been sick for close to two weeks but for fear of getting admitted and missing my exams I held myself till I wrote my final paper. I was one of the last persons to leave the clinic that night and despite all the drugs prescribed by the half-asleep doctor,I shivered and ran temperature all through the night…needless to say I was one of the 1st persons to get back there at the clinic that sunday morning…thankfully it was another doctor that was on call and after running some tests, he told me I would have to be transfused because my PCV was low…I was devastated…I came out of the doctor’s office crying and I saw him in the waiting room…my resolve from earlier was still standing,especially now that I wasn’t even in the mood…I went outside to wait for the bus that would take me back to school so I could shower before going outside school to another lab to re-take the test,I wasn’t going to have someone else’s blood flowing through my veins unless I was 100% sure my life depended on it…I was still crying when he came to stand beside me and he said hi…he pretended like he didn’t see my tears or maybe he did see it and didn’t just know what to say,because he didn’t mention it and for that I was grateful…you know, I really can’t remember how exactly that conversation went (I remember it involved us talking about jaundice though) but by the time the clinic bus came I was sure as hell I wasn’t ready to leave…I wanted to stay there and keep talking to him,it was so easy…and he made me laugh…I’d temporarily forgotten my present predicament…and seing him smile,that smile that revealed his dimples…I was hooked…how did that happen? :s…well,I’m not one to freely share stuff about myself so I’d just keep it to myself and pray it goes away real soon…
It didn’t. Actually, I became more ‘love struck’ with every meeting I had with him…then I’d always tag along with my brother whenever he was going out and he was going to be there…that wasn’t so difficult being that I like being the only girl in a company of boys (yes,it is cool ) so my brother didn’t mind me going with him,neither did he suspect anything…I got to know him a little bit more that summer…he was mouthed, had a lot of girls flocking around him. I didn’t want to join the voltron and increase his bragging rights so that was another reason to keep my feelings to myself…but seriously,did his cousin have to like me? urggh…he wasn’t him so he didn’t even stand a chance…I saw him every chance I could,I didn’t mind being in the background as long as I got to laugh at his stupid jokes and just be around him…
School resumed and I thought if I saw him less and had school work to occupy my mind,I’d finally get over him…I didn’t have a shot with him anywaiz…but I found myself always coming up with one excuse or another just so I could see him whenever I went to see my brother…my brother must have suspected something foul because he asked me what the deal was and I had to come out clean and tell him…he didn’t out rightly pull my ear and tell me to back off like most brothers would,like seriously,which brother allows his sister to fall for his friend who happens to be the ladies’ man? But he didn’t encourage whatever was going on either…I know my brother too well and I got the message behind his silence…he didn’t ask me and I never mentioned it to him either….
We were on break after writing our 1st semester exams when I got a text from him that evening…I was surprised because he’d never texted me before,I was always the one calling and texting him like I was some stalker x_x *adjusts halo* anyway,we got talking and the conversation led to him asking why I left his cousin heartbroken…hmmm…this was a tricky question…should I just give him the conventional answer of how incompatible we are or tell him the real reason? if I had friends at the moment,they would probably have advised me against it although one in particular would definitely have supported the decision I made that night…I thought to myself ‘how bad can it be? I even want to see his reaction sef‘…so I picked up my phone and replied ‘its because I had a crush on you’…to save time and not bore you with details,the long and short of it was that he gave me this lecture on how it’ll be child abuse if he had anything to do with me(dude,you are barely a year older than I am!but then I figured he was just looking for excuses, so I let it slide) and how I’d eventually find someone who’d be crazy about me…I remember rolling my eyes and thinking ‘just cut it out already,I didn’t ask for a lecture now,hian!’…I really wasn’t expecting anything so I wasn’t so disappointed…shit happens,right?
Even after that,nothing really changed…but then I figured it was time to move on so I tried to get my mind off him and gradually I was. At some point I was even so sure I had and that just made me feel good…no more clinging…it was time to move on :D…and I almost did but fate has a way of working things out and for reasons which is another story entirely,I happened to be technically not committed at that point in time when he asked me the day before valentine’s day if I’d like to get ice cream and just hangout the next day. I didn’t see anything wrong with it; two friends who happened to be single on val’s day just spending time together so I agreed…it was the 1st time just the two of us would be spending time together…it was fun, a great day and now we can all move on with our lives…but not quite…I found myself chatting with him all day long,every day,wishing it was him every time my phone blinked red and staring at my phone if he hadn’t replied me…I was dragging myself right back into the pit I’d just managed to come out of…but it felt good to finally have his attention…I was enjoying it. Actually I loved it so I just went with the flow…whatever came out of it,I’d sort myself out. I always do. B-)
It was the best feeling ever…every other person/thing faded to the background…I was happy,even though I wasn’t sure what it was we had and for how long…I had doubts, questions but none of it seemed to matter…I was ‘living in the moment’…then he gave me heads up that he was going to ask me out and advised that I said NO…he told me his reasons and I tried to talk him out of it…this was a dream come true, I wasn’t about to let him turn it into a nightmare by cutting it short…I thought he’d never ask but finally he did…yes!!!…I didn’t care if it wasn’t exactly done in the most romantic way…and I sure as hell didn’t waste any time ‘thinking’ about it…I knew what I wanted and finally I had it…I was the luckiest girl alive!!!
In recent times I’ve come to the conclusion that it takes more than loving someone to actually be in a relationship with him/her and at times loving someone is just not good enough…I loved him yeah,so much sef but dating was the worse thing we could have done to us…things were good at 1st and then they weren’t…and even when we tried to fix it,it couldn’t be fixed…I did a lot of things I’m not proud of and I contributed majorly to ruining what we had…its all so painful because I’d wanted something so badly I didn’t even think I’ll ever get it and then I did and I practically threw it in the wind…I feel bad about it but no point crying over spilt milk,yeah? (Actually,I have cried over this spilt milk but *shrug*)
Even though as I write this I still care a great deal,I’ve come to the conclusion that at times you just have to love someone enough to let them go, no matter how difficult it might be or how scary the thought of life without them is…and although I’m still trying to come to terms with that and wrap it around my head that this time around its goodbye for real and as much as it hurts,I know I have to move on for real this time and I also know eventually I’ll be fine…I always am. 🙂
Stay Tuned Till Saturday 🙂 Alariwo Loves You
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