Alariwo Lifematics: Tears of Forgiveness

So today’s post is from our own one and only pretty model @pikcha_perfect :)…. Do enjoy and Don’t forget to comment, let us know your view on the post 

I had a dream..It is not the beginning that determines the end.. But the end will show the effort you put in along the way..and would be miles different from the start – Me.

As I write this, I feel half safe and half vulnerable. Feel free to ask what happened to this character below.

It all begun when I started scrubbing. I know you won’t understand, very few would (and I mean like 5 people would), at this point.

I had looked into the mirror earlier, I didn’t recognise my face. It came like a shock..was that me?..I looked again, this time really closely..I looked like an ugly version of myself. So I backed away. Maybe the make up wasn’t enough and so I put more..and more..and more, then I stopped.
What is happening to me? The voices in my head laughed.. I recognised that laughter instantly, I shuddered. Looked in the mirror and three guys were staring back at me, laughing. I moved back and sobbed loudly (They had cum inside me. My untouched body I had kept for so long.. 19 years!.. I had been so over protective of myself..only for people to defy the rules of my nature). My body started irritating me, (you know when you see a rotten dead body filled with maggots)..that’s how I felt.

I went to the bathroom, the feeling still going through me, the voices still laughing, a bit faded now but it was still there.. Brushed my teeth and headed back to my room, I held my phone but my blackberry password was erased from my memory, I just couldn’t type. The voices laughed louder and I held my hair..(A little too tight because I had uprooted some from my scalp).. It began to get scary. I laid in bed, was bbming then I suddenly felt the urge to bathe.
Scrubbing my body with a sponge felt a little close to discomfort. I had horrible flashbacks, I screamed. Mum came to my rescue though, she held my head and told me it was ok. I was at home. I was calm after approx. 3 minutes.

Staring at the ceiling that night, I began to cry..still feeling the urge to bathe..I closed my eyes, tried to sleep. All I heard was laughter, jokes about cobwebs being in my privates, I felt like death was coming to take me, I sighed, was almost relieved…
I had gone to have my bath like 5 times that night and into the dawn of day. I felt bad waking mum up to help me. My body was weird, scratches all over my legs, I felt strange. I cried and cried till my eyes shed no tears anymore..with each bath brought new memories I thought I hadn’t remembered..my sides hurt and so did my throat.
I picked up my diary and wrote “I’m not the only one on earth, why is nature being harsh to just me?” (For before these people did one try to defy me).

When a few days of showering up to 12 times passed (I was only feeling irritated now, no flashbacks since the last time) I had a few laughs on bbm, but I couldn’t go out because people stared at me like I had lost someone..they brought flowers when it happened..(like they were trying to rub it in my face that the only petal I had kept had been forcefully taken from me. Pity parties, they just want to look for what to talk about). Mum got back and gave me a slip, on it had Dr Holmes, a telephone number. Mum said to me “therapist..I thought I could deal with it but I can’t”. It was understandable, but I was angry: •you’re my mother, you’re supposed to know how to deal with it•..I had ignored that she was crying..I went to the bathroom, threw the slip in the bin and went into the bath.

THE THERAPIST:  He looked slightly older than I imagined. Actually, I wanted it to be a woman, but nonetheless, he was an “OK looking” guy. He had brown hair, you could spot a bit of white hair growing on his scalp. A white blazer hung on the back of his chair, but he had on blue jeans and black shirt.
He sat there, waiting for me to say something and all I could say was “I just feel tired of life”.
He still stared at me blankly expecting more, but that was it.
When our time was almost over he told me that people go through different types of stress and mine was chronic stress which had led to a mild state of depression. He recommended pills for me seeing as my mind was clearly disturbed.

I spent my days worrying why other girls are so pretty, why they’re prettier than I am. I became vain, with an unruly spirit of relying on my flesh to bring out my beauty.

I wondered why God had made me so imperfect and started to crave compliments and attention. I became arrogant just to block out my vulnerability..
In all honesty, I was rude, vulgar and a sadist..
Days turned to 3 months..and 2 out of 3 of the boys were caught and detained, and even then I wasn’t happy.

St. Mary’s help for rape victims: We all sat in a circle as I listened to angry people wailing, crying and sharing stories and experiences..none was still as bad as mine..
One day, My turn to talk came.. The woman called out my name..”Huh? Me?!” I said. “Yes you sweetheart, you’ve heard everyone’s but we barely know what you sound like” she said, with a smile on her face.

The talk: I had finished sharing my experience. Everyone was silent, so silent that even a drop of water from the toilet could bt heard. I could feel the tears of my audience..I looked up..they stared back at me, still saying nothing. I got up, and I walked out.
A girl called Dani came to speak to me as I lit up a cigarette. She had brown hair, dark skin but lighter than me, mixed race I think, she was pretty and didn’t look like a victim to me. She looked more of a heart breaker.”It will kill you, you know” she said, I dropped it and told her I was just about to resume smoking again, she told me it was bad and no man was worth me killing myself slowly for. “I heard your story, you seem bitter, It doesn’t have to be this way, you know, all you have to do is let go, erase it, cleanse yourself, your thoughts, your emotions, celebrate this spirit of christmas coming up and you will be fine.. My uncle raped me, you know, I stabbed him afterwards, but he didn’t die. I have let go, I forgave him”..
Oh, wow.

I wanted to kill them.. To make them pay for what they did to me. But the rage inside me never came forth anymore.

Dani was hit by a car last week, she didn’t get to receive the christmas card I wrote for her, and she won’t get to count down into the new year, because she is dead.
What fascinates me is she had the ability to forgive her own uncle, how much more strangers?

They caught him, the main one. He pleaded insanity. I spoke to him but it wasn’t enough, I wasn’t happy..he begged, and so did his mother,. I looked at them, emotionless but tears still dropped from my eyes, as I froze.
His old mother knelt down, and pleaded on behalf of her son. I was touched, it is christmas after all, why don’t I give her something to celebrate.

And so I decided I would it go.. I couldn’t have made a better decision in my life. That was d best decision I’d ever made.

@pikcha_perfect reporting for Alariwo.org

Advertisements
Tagged , ,

134 thoughts on “Alariwo Lifematics: Tears of Forgiveness

  1. miyuwi says:

    touching story,always forgive no matter wat abi ——-> raped by uncle and still 4give #LIFE

  2. miyuwi says:

    touching story,always forgive no matter wat abi ——-> raped by uncle and still 4give #LIFE a story dat shows the benefit of hving a modar *SOBS*

  3. tushe says:

    *wipes tears with tissue* ….touching….but life moves on sha 😀

  4. @Wumie says:

    *No Words!*

  5. bluegod2010 says:

    So This is Why u Changed …. Now Cracking sex Jokes on BBM with u will Be Awkward ..

  6. zeelon says:

    Nice one dear!!! Vewi nice!!!

  7. oYeMyKke says:

    Very Good One Toke!

  8. rasheed says:

    Yaaay! This is the best write up me I’ve seen Oo. I like the beginning and the middle;Perfect. In my own opinion I feel the end; the last 3paragraph should me more elaborated. To me the end seem to be more of a summary to me unlike the beginning and middle. I enjoyed it any way. This is the 1st time I’ll be dropping a long comment like this. Its because I like this one gaan! …………keep it up.

  9. @4eljay says:

    Jes wonderin wat went inside d uncle at dat tym.

  10. pauhll_tunEctar says:

    #Dope!!!!

  11. magD says:

    A rili tourching story indeed!!!

  12. Bambo says:

    Touching story…..nice wryt up dear!

  13. Seye says:

    Inspiring

  14. kuffy says:

    Never being much of the reading type but this story got me stuck to mu=y seating reading. it really is a touching and inspiring story. Nice one dear.

  15. kuffy says:

    touching story…… nice one tokesy

  16. Dolapo says:

    Really inspiring and touching..I sure hope more of dis author will be published

  17. patrick says:

    storys that touch the bottom of the soul. am so inspired

  18. gboyega says:

    If only the whole world would forgive.. The world would be a better place..

    • bunmi says:

      @gboyega, actually, d wolrd wunt be, because people would continue to do evil believing they would get away with it. On that note, ‘the world would be a better place if we don’t forgive!’. When every one gets their pounds of flesh, we ll have less or no evil flesh left. #my opinion.

  19. kuffy says:

    so i have read this story close to 6 times nw. REALLY REALLY INSPIRING. #forgive

  20. bawo says:

    so tragic….if i were i wont,datz me….#okbye..

  21. bunmi says:

    Easier said than done… Its really hard!

  22. dimtang says:

    The story is nice,I love the whole thing,I was captivavted and moved,but the ending is not IT….dis story needs a catchy endn……nt dis simple plain one

  23. bunmi says:

    @gboyega, actually, d wolrd wunt be, because people would continue to do evil believing they would get away with it. On that note, ‘the world would be a better place if we don’t forgive!’. When every one gets their pounds of flesh, we ll have less or no evil flesh left. #my opinion.

  24. @engee01 says:

    Lovely piece…thanks 4 sharing! Spectacular….

  25. DaLozone says:

    Some powerful stuff! Forgive & Forget..

  26. Damola says:

    Great piece indeed! I love the choice of words and idioms; emotionally balanced and intriguing. No matter how hard it is we shld find a space in our hearts to forgive. And even though it sounds scary, my candid opinion is that all rapists be hanged or shot by firing squad.

  27. ayodeji says:

    Absolutely Touching.. Kip it up miss!

  28. Awesome….Lesson Learnt: Always forgive and Forget no matter what

  29. kripsy says:

    I benefitted from this.. Thanks a lot

  30. kanny says:

    Awwwww ts amazin…luvd every bit of t….buh d end wz a bit 2 abrupt..jt a lil touch wud do 😉 d beginnin to d middle wz rily captivatin…I LUV t…so inspirin…4give n 4get n lyf goes on…*beautiful

  31. I_am_Clef85 says:

    Touching story , un-forgiveness is like a blocked drainage pipe tho

  32. Required says:

    Powerful piece. Lovely message. Impressive composition. An awesome and touching read. Bless

  33. lummy says:

    Jes culdnt stop reading…nice writeup…proud of Ʋ,Ʋ destined for d top.

  34. berkley daniels najomoh says:

    Really inspiring story.its indeed an eye opener.we live only because we are priveleged,we don’t know what tomorrow holds in store for us.I’ve learnt to forgive and forget….I’m glad I read this write-up.

  35. miss cole... says:

    WOW!!!….Lovely write up Toke… WOW!….

  36. maro perkinz says:

    Wow tear’s..*Touching my face..!..jeez,weird!..lol,dis piece iz great,inspiring nd it’s hard to forgive bt forgive nd push it aside that’s wat I hv learnt!..Tanks for this

  37. mark says:

    FoRgive and forget

  38. obi says:

    A Touching story at that.. No Girl wants be abused, in as much as we human it is only natural that we forgive.. Nice one swty!

  39. xxpressit says:

    Seems obvious that you got tired towards the end… Nice post tho…

  40. double C says:

    Doesn’t matter how many times I hear this, it still moves me to tears. Nicely written too. Try to reduce the amount of brackets you use though. They’re one too many. Love you gwifis.

  41. Nimrodking says:

    Forgive and Forget; Easier said than done, especially in d case of Rape. Fair story-telling skill tho….

  42. kiki says:

    Nice one you got girl

  43. kiki says:

    Nice one you got girl so touching.never regret who you are in life and forgive cause when you look back you always be glad you did

  44. Mcfunny says:

    😮

  45. bugatti says:

    *sigh…..nice one tho’
    Forgiving is easy,forgetting is almost impossible but at the end we just have to forgive and forget.

  46. pappi says:

    C’est luvly!

  47. @mychalbrandon says:

    One word, Inspiring!

  48. omowunmi says:

    *clapping* wow brilliant!!!! I love dis,its very touching.

  49. Toni Osai says:

    Whoever wrote this should be a novelist. If you haven’t thought of it or your currently at some other job….. Quit! This is what you were born to do.

  50. zara says:

    Touched me in a place I didn’t know existed…

  51. albert says:

    Inspiring, love the article

  52. wunmi says:

    Nice write-up!.its painful that such things happen everyday but in everything,forgiveness is the key.

  53. rOn! says:

    Forgiving is d easy bit. Realistically, we cnt rili choose forget stuff. Buh yea..we try. My Opinion. Quite sad buh it z a very BEAUTIFUL piece. Felt like I was in d cinema or sumn. Can’t wait to see more stuff frm U. Cheers!

  54. albert says:

    Touching story, I’m so inspired. Would love to read more articles

  55. @hovee_hov says:

    Nice 1 Cutie! (Y)

  56. obafuntay says:

    First, Fact or Fiction?
    Beautifully written…. but #QuickQuestion, how does one forget such?… How would a rape victim know if she’s forgiven yet and also forgotten?.. Easier said than done. But iGuess that’s the wise option.
    #TT

  57. nakeedbrainzz says:

    Cool. Hope she stopped bathing tho. PS: how come 2 of the guys get arrested and the main guy forgoes punishment?

  58. emeka says:

    Interesting read. I’m just puzzled as to why the women suddenly became more aware of rape and its victims **shrugs**

  59. Cross says:

    I didn’t quite feel the pain of the writer. It sounded more like relaying someone else’s pain.

  60. shante001 says:

    A really sa story, Rape doesn’t just affect physically, but emotionally and mentally. Take Oprah Winfrey 4 instance she could’nt. Even get married afterwards. It might be easy to forgive not forget. Very cool right up

  61. Wow! Very nice. Deep, suspence filled. Touching too. The ending was α̲̅ bit rushed tho! Wonderful write-up still.

  62. jay says:

    Dnt even knw wat to say,,,,,cool u forgave d guy…….as a guy i dnt thnk I cn frgve dem if u wr ma sista,,,,:) ,,,, its aii tho,,,,

  63. zee says:

    There is something I call BLUE TEARS. Forgiveness is a great thing and it makes one possess the feeling of freedom. I have had my experiences…and am still having them. It’s hard to let go, easy to forgive, right to forget. But one thing is that the memories would always be there and it won’t hurt anymore. When I cry, I label my tears BLUE because it brings back the memories of my blue days………without contempt.

  64. jshimmer says:

    Wow. Its so sad that anyone would have to go through this. And you are really strong for being able to share your story. I hear that rape is so much more common than we realize, and that 1 in 10 girls has had a rape experience. I’ve never known anyone with such a story, so I can’t know what you must have gone through. I hope you get better and stronger and rise above this experience everyday so that it doesn’t define you.
    Forgiving would help you heal. And its superhuman that you are able to do that.

  65. itZZ random says:

    U dey write sha!!!!!!!
    Touching I must say…… Keep it up(not with d gloom tho).
    I’m proud of u boo!

  66. minimah boma says:

    Hav a forgivin spirit we all make mistakes dats y pencils hav erasers rite?

  67. 9ja_Whizkyd says:

    cool! Uber Cool…nice one ‘Toke

  68. stephanie says:

    Try to forgive….although,to forget may be a hard task….*smiles*…sooo touching tho….

  69. stephanie says:

    Nyz 1!!!! *smiles*

  70. Dexter says:

    Rape victims suffer a lot of post-traumatic emotional turmoil, and this story managed to immerse me in the mind of the person. It’s sad, but I think forgiveness is more for the person forgiving than for the one being forgiven. Holding on hate is exhausting, to be honest. Still, I’d rather kill you and forgive your dead body.

    • Toke says:

      Hahaha!! Ur comment on my stuff is one of many I look forward to everytime I write. Lool @ forgivin his dead body

  71. Ilesanmi Seun says:

    Forgiveness is a very difficult thing to do. All the same its the best path to living a life of peace. Great piece.

  72. xxxx says:

    Nice one…..vewi nice 😀

  73. @tee_boya says:

    Nice one dear!!!!

  74. Kaypee says:

    It’s a sad story and its something that can happen to any girl considering the kind of world we are where guys take undue advantage of girls because of their vulnerability. That been said,worse things have happened to girls and they pulled through,U can do the same!! Though difficult it will be a waste of productive time thinking about those boys with walnut sized brains..Pls forgive them and move on!!! God’s hand will meet them sooner or later. It is also important not to let that incident ruin ur life and chances of building a good relationship with a great guy in the future and raising a family.

  75. pweety D says:

    *speechlessmuch* wow! Its very Hard to forgive someone in such a situation, may God help all of us and give us d spirit of a 4giving heart

  76. soph says:

    Detoke Obomanu…such a masterpiece

  77. sinzprince says:

    forgive bt dont forget tho, u cn let it go

  78. poster1 says:

    i can feel the emotion..wow…

  79. deetyson says:

    Nice write up toke… Great message too.. (Y)

  80. Henry says:

    Omo no time to read. Make I just comment.

  81. Beluchi says:

    Well I actually agree with the lot… Were you lyk, limited to a number of words? Cos the end was far too simple, was lyk ure lost in a great movie then all of a sudden, the end credits come up 😐 ..If u’d share the emotional battle u went through before u could make up ur mind to forgive, ur work could touch readers on a whole new level… I still fink ure awesome tho… A thumping good read! *thumbs up* ps, u’ll always be Beautiful.

  82. michael says:

    Truly touching story. :’)

  83. brutus says:

    Its nice..the way you ended was good buh not enuf…there is a grammatical error which can be found on the third to the last line…keep it up and I’m sure You can do so much better..

  84. akindele uroy says:

    Touching story. in life, thins like this happens every day to deffrent people U̶̲̥̅̊ get angry and in ur state of anger, entrap urself in a prison wher ₪☺ one but U̶̲̥̅̊ can free urself. I belive if U̶̲̥̅̊ refuse to 4give, den U̶̲̥̅̊’re lockin urself up in d̶̲̥̅̊a̶̲̥̅̊†̥̥ prison of stagnation. So 4give and move on.

  85. ama says:

    Great piece

  86. heywhy says:

    Any1 who has d capacity to forgive after RAPE is a wonderful soul

  87. Munir Abdulmajeed says:

    Bravo! Magnificiently touching write up this is. I’m glad I got an oppurtunity to read this. It perfect,just like the writer. Kudos!!

  88. Munir Abdulmajeed says:

    Bravo! Magnificently touching write up this is. I’m glad I got an oppurtunity to read this. Its perfect,just like the writer. Kudos!!

  89. @Muyezz says:

    Very moving story!

  90. kehindehasan says:

    It is understandable that you were scared to do any thing and let me reassure you that none of this is your fault . he choose to do this to you no one asks for this to happen to them and this includes you . Sex will happen between you and someone (jus wish tha 1st was wiv tha right person & at tha right time) but at the mo you are still working through tha issues that this rape has left you with but your are taking control and being strong . take care
    Forgive- hmmm I guess that’s tha right thing to do
    Forget- well he’s effin name shld be on tha black book *awon bitch ass nigga oshi >:o. >=) jati jati

  91. mcnabb says:

    Wonderful story dear.. I like d way u constructed the opening paragraph and body.. That’s nice and hard work. The end was too short but it was gd love.. Nice write up.. Keep it up boo

  92. Delvve says:

    Its a realli catchy piece…had a lotta things goin thru ma head…u did a wonderful job…the end wasn’t as captivating though.buh the overall piece was lovely…keep it up ma’am..

  93. BAGGY BAGGZ says:

    Its very easy to say FORGIVE in dis situation..buh put urslf in her shoes would u Forgive??? U wud say yes cos u ain been tru it……buh may God gv us d spirit of forgivness tho’ AMEN…..@toke nyc1 ma’

  94. olabisi A. says:

    Touching! Rly touching

  95. lexyblaQ says:

    *Deep Sigh*

  96. Aisha says:

    Wow!!!!!!!!! Wow! Wow!!!!!!!

  97. Kolamide says:

    I couldn’t help d tears dat came 4rm my eyes. Really touchin story

  98. @TheGidiBoyCooP says:

    Its A Tale Worthy Of Going Through Again. Rape? How Thirsty Do Guys Get? I mean Whores Are Cheap, Guilt Free And You Don’t Owe Em Pity. If Its True Which It Don’t matter Cos Stuff like This happen On A daily My Heart Goes Out To Victims World Wide. And To The Weak Dudes Out there…God Go Handle ur Matter. Amen #GBM

  99. Haemlet says:

    I think this is the best piece I have read on here so far!

  100. marshal says:

    Forgiv! Forgiv! Forgiv!. That’s realy inspiring and also a good one. Love it dear.

  101. moved me…nice one…but really forgetting is a difficult task

  102. Leke-Jigga says:

    Nice!; it’s Α reminder that we only forgIve BUT NEVER FORGET. We simply “forgive and ignore (the past)” Because if we are pushed we will always recall sad events. In all we should all STRIVE to do good deeds to one another…….its the only honourable responsibility we got.

    Peace!

  103. Leke-Jigga says:

    Nice!; it’s a reminder that we only forgIve BUT NEVER FORGET. We simply “forgive and ignore (the past)” Because if we are pushed we will always recall sad events. In all we should all STRIVE to do good deeds to one another…….its the only honourable responsibility we got.

    Peace!

  104. akinyinka says:

    Sweet…quite touching!!!

  105. dayo says:

    Girl you are good..nice1

  106. Inerca says:

    A touching story….nyc 1 dear…keep it up!!!

  107. honeydew says:

    #DEEP!

  108. Lala says:

    When we learn to forgive, we learn the basic elements guiding life itself… Forgive and Forget is a very big part of letting go of the past and looking to what the future holds…. Nice Piece …

  109. djpitan says:

    Tis cool detoke

  110. olaide Abass says:

    Learn a few tins here.1) No matter what you go through in life don’t let those tins shape you and affect how u relate with others.2) No greater peace than forgiving sm1 dat has wronged u.

  111. xtereo2 says:

    Yeah!! 4give n 4get…… The title says it all… The tears of forgivness… All thanks to dani(RIP) ……. (Nice write-up)

  112. rossy says:

    Ave neva been a victim,so I can’t realli say wot am gonna do to d rapist.

  113. mrs smith says:

    Are u not d’same giovana toke rubens who messd up some years bk stealin songs and claimin it was urs,u r not just ok babe,u are on skunk or weed u are an impostr,u shud go bk to ur country or go For rehab and diie u all are just sayin its nice shes a tifff

    • da'man says:

      why is this one chatting loads of bullshit?
      so what if she’s done bad things?
      i dont know why its paining you to d extent that u death wished her
      like you said..’years back’.. people change in life..
      i pray u dont last 2 more years whoever this is
      😛 u shud die of cancer or something that would kill you slowly
      Peace out!

    • Toke says:

      Lool! Why, yes it is I..
      If u ain such a scared bitch why don’t u hit me up on twitter n talk like humans before I “die”.

  114. @benkaycie says:

    aww :(..dix 1 is hard to forgive ooh..nice write-up tho

  115. alber ceejay felix says:

    You knw Smallz,each time I read ur article I always wonder why you haven’t written a book yet.

  116. spitgucci says:

    U wee say: really touching story. O wow, one cannot imagine what these rape victims go through. And letting go is most difficult. Thank goodness for Dani!

  117. Sheriff Abubakar says:

    Detoke!! Top Class …. Story’s Touching

  118. Faderera says:

    Very touching story.

    • maleeha khan says:

      its really beally hard to forgive sum1 fo such an act, n forget such incident…
      BUT
      The satisfaction one feels after forgiving is sumthing couldnt be explain in words…
      SO
      Its better to forgive dat helps you in forgetting.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: