Alariwo Lifematics: Social LifeLine

*Sitting in the Toilet, Don’t dull* Mayne, I’m brilliantly dulling ooo. My toilet is where most of the times I get the best connection on my mobiles, today Etisalat seems to have had coitus with MTN and yes! (Sigh) this is what I get………. No service

No service! My twitter Timeline isn’t refreshing, Facebook page isn’t opening even after several attempts, BBM and yahoo messenger have refused to run my errands! , 2GO sef is not going and PHCN is tightly holding or should I say hoarding the power. It was at this point I had an epiphany (lights bulb) (adjusts halo)…

What if our online Social Life hits a deadline? In brickLAYer terms: How will life be without social networks? Or let’s assume Bill( yeah am on a first name basis with the richest man alive! Lol!) Couldn’t make those MICRO’s go SOFT! Zuckerberg didnt put his FACE to his BOOKs(ko oju si iwe e- yoruba way of saying u should face your studies) and all these portals that have suddenly turned themselves into S.I units on our cool meters don’t or suddenly cease to exist?! **i can imagine the mortified horror look on ur faces** as u make a mental note of all what u think might lose!

I got addicted to social networks at an early age but I’ll just mention the few that got me trapped.
My very first experience with a social network happened to be Kobra Wap. I’d stay up all night chatting with fine boys (atleast that’s what the pictures on there profiles say), MMS-ing pictures, and all that stuffs that come with it.

Whew! What great solace I had with it. Airtel (then Econet) made it coke-astic (I’m sorry) by giving us free internet access that made the package scintillating then. Airtel ended their free internet service after some time but you know how we do it naa, I’d save all my lunch money, recharge my phone and chat all night then sleep in class the next day.

All of a sudden *inserts nollywood about-to-have-accident sound effect*, Kobra faded *sniff*sniff* (2 mins silence please… it was that much fun).

I had joined Hi5 but only gained interest after Kobra left me (*#TearsofaBrokenHeartedInternetSurfer* Tissue please!). All I ever did on hi5 was change my profile skin and feel like someone that could design a site. lol We all lost interest in hi5(R.I.P) and moved to Facebook.

Facebook! oh! Facebook! The almighty Facebook that infact is giving HIV/AIDS a run for there money as it spreads like unTamed fire! Superb idea that has earned Mark Zuckerberg a wallpaper space on the walls of geeks across the universe(I guess).

It was the next best thing then. I wake up – FB! eat-FB!! Before taking any picture I’d have thought at the back of my mind – is it FB standard? The best part was whenever I stumbled on a crazy quote; ooooooh! I’ll save it for my dear Facebook (C’mon I need you to shake your heads in agreement) fans.

The joys of Facebook! Everyone was eating, drinking and sleeping it. It was like a new dance step and u had to learn it to get inducted into the Kool gang! I watched out for the amount of comments I would get at each picture or Status that I posted …. ( my head swell small), and it gives me orgasm (holy orgasm *adjusts halo*)……

Then Zuckerberg started running out of ideas, our parents were on our friends list x_x! all these strange illiterate cybercafé guys from ekiti or osun (feeling fortunate or izit unfortunate?!) made us (girls), dread checking our inbox (if your profile picture is fine, you’ll understand *shrugs*).

I joined twitter in 2009 (me sef aff tey small shey?). It was like greek; I’d stare and squint and still wouldn’t understand so I’ll steal scintillating tweets, update my facebook status and get loads of comments. (*popping collar*, NO! that doesn’t make me a thief,there was no copyright statement jor! Lol).

Ehen, before I deviate… wait, where was I going?? *scratching head* oya lets just continue…I hope ur FOLLOW-ing?! So @spicycoriander , @terdoh, etc would tweet “morning twitter”; “I’m sleeping twitter”; “I’m in d toilet tweeps”… errr.. Something like that and I’ll be like “are these people well?” **#NoBorehole?(Choi! I rap too! Lol)** and then go back to my facebook.

Until I saw the light, oohh the buerrie of twitter. Then I had to decode all them “kmt, smh,etc. (I was one of you all who thought it was komot, somehow!!)

Well, gone are the days when we’ll read through our Twitter TimeLines and laugh like we were Crazy. Cc: @funnyHumour n the rest. Some people have acquired lands and on twitter #Get-A-life ;

Some carry out it on their head like its government work e.g those never ending questions/quiz as if twitter is #JAMB while some others have turned it into English class and crucified anothers grammar language #Gbagaun! Ontop another man language that we were taught o! ,

While some don’t just get the idea that its just a social network and they shouldnt take it so personal such begats the TwitFights,religious arguements, Blasphemy, Famzin for #FollowBack sake e.t.c! #jusSayin *Insert Mariah carey’s Bye Bye*

What if twitter ‘dies’? What if we have to live the rest of our lives without an online platform where we can just pour out “whats happening” “whats on our minds”?? I regard it as not having a Social Lifeline. The Egyptians would know a little about it since they went without it for some weeks!

But seriously how do you feel life will be without a social network? Please cast your opinions in the Comment box. Ever wondered how opinion and onion sound alike, they must be related… same mother shey?

But seriously think about it! **not d onion part dummy**” How will life be without a social network” ** #okbye

#np Lost Without you –Robin Thicke *as BB battery goes flat from playing Word mole*

Didi reporting for Alariwo